You know... I and all of us are just humans. We're not made of stone, we're not some kind of rag dolls you can just throw around. We all feel things. Love, hate, happiness, joy, sadness... Everything. We can play tough, we can say that words can't hurt us, but they do. More than anything else. Sometimes it feels like there's no way up, like no one's there for you, like it's just getting harder to breathe. But then, you always find you're way back up. It's the inner strength we have. We get back on our feet and sometimes we almost fly. I'm not saying it's easy, no, not at all.. I meant that when you really believe in "better days" you'll gonna see them. If you just sit alone in home and never go out, you're going to stuck there. Like someone once said; when you smile to the world, the world smiles back at ya.It's been long since I've known what's good for me, it's been long since I've last laughed. I've got hurt ten thousand times before but nothing ever hurt me like this one. But as usual, I've learned from EVERY mistake I've done, I don't regret any heartbreak I've had, I'm thankful from every 'friend' who's ever betray me. If my life was perfect, I couldn't be happy from the little things that makes life so f*ckin' great.
I've done a lot of thinking lately. Really, I've taken time for just me and thought about the things I'm going thru. Then it hit me; why should I be sad from the things you do? If I want, they don't have to affect me, so why did I let your words get me? Why didn't I just shut my ears and walked away? Well, I'm a stupid girl. When someone says I'm pathetic, I can't keep my mouth shut 'cause they don't know all the things I've gone thru and they don't know even who I am! I don't understand people who have to talk sh*t to feel good about themselves. If you have problems, you talk. You don't go and talk behind someones back. Like, c'moon girls & guys.
When you fight with someone, there's always two (or more) to blame... No one's innocent at that point. I've been blaming everyone else and then I've blame only myself but that didn't help anyone at all. I've been mad, I've been sad, but did that help me? No, it didn't at all. You know, when you get hurt, you'd better to forget the past and get up. Write, sing, dance, do something you love. Focus on important things. But don't get stuck in the past, please, don't.
Now I finally know who I am; I'm everything. I'm from angel to devil, I'm the strongest person in the world but then again I'm really, really fragile. You can't define me, you can't say I what I am. I'm the only one who decides that. With you I was only half of me, now I'm full. When you left I got back the part I really missed and you taught me a really good lesson; you can't trust everyone, not even if you wanted to.
And last but not least, I honestly hope you are proud of yourself. Promise me one thing, okay honey? Don't come back and say you're sorry 'cause I won't forget and I certainly won't forgive. Goodbye.
With Love,
Janika
